Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
