is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
