Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
