We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
