yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
