i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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