The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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