i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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