i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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