Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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