physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dicks are not precious.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
