It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
