So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
