In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
