tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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