Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
