don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
