On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
