i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
