RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
