in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
