One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
