im holly from the hills drunk
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize