My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
