Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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