so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
