It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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