I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
