I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
