i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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