We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
