If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
