Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
