now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
