On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
