I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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