How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
