Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
