her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
