the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
