I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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