You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
