Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
