i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
