My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
