The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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