life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Betty ford says i'm here all night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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