I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
