I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
