ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I AM VODKA MAN
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
