I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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