I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
