I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Randomize
