I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize