I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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