Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
