a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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