your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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