You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
