Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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