you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
