Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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