Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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