she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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