he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
