im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
