his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
