I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
