So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize