what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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