while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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