Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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