I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
