Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
