Can i not drive my cunt home
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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