Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize