I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
