It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
